Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Waving Justin Bieber Fans

I was driving down state street bouncin to Sheryal Crowe on the radio when my eyes became distracted by something odd. I've seen this before but I guess I never really gave it a good long look at how odd it really was. A simple trip to the Provo Towne Center became a journey within my mind to answer the vast question "Who invented the Wacky Waving Inflatable Tube Man and was he or she a flat crazy person or a certified genius?"
Y'all go ahead, laugh. Chuckle at the ridiculousness of that question. Snicker at the fact that I don't post more intuitive thoughts. But before you start thinkin "Oh here goes Ryan again. Makin his jokes tryin get us laughin up a storm," just give me the benifit of the doubt and hear me out.
What in the name of heaven can be exciting about income taxes? H&R Block has nothin goin for it in the fun department what so ever. So yeah, of corse I'm gonna drive by right past it with out a second glance. But plant a thin vinyl tube man with arms, wavy hair and a painted on face in front of the building and you got yourself a second look instead of a drive by. But polish it off with a generated fan at it's feet so it can blow air up through it making it look as though it were a spoiled preteen flaying about at a Justin Bieber concert and now I might pull over to get me some income tax done!
So, tell me America, who's the crazy one?...

Howdy Y'all

People look at me funny sometimes. Not like I care or nuffin. You're probably wondering where I'm goin with all this a'int chya? Just bare with me. I'm from a lil place called Salem, Utah. It's a relativity small town but it continues to grow. Why, we even gone and got our selves a da-burn Hikes School! And a mighty fancy one at that! Now even though I'm a small town boy and like Salem a lot I don't seem to fit in. It seems quite sill. It seems kinda queer, but I'll tell ya why so listen here... I talks kinda funny...

Now what does that mean exactly you say? Well, ya see in Utah, for some reason finds it funny to talk like a redneck. Now I'm not sayin that I'm a hill billy redneck. Its just the way I talks has some what of it's own personality that I likes keepin alive. So Utah, y'all jus gonna hav ta deal wiff it ight! hahahaha I think I started noticing all this when I started realizing that Utah is obsessed with saying "you guys."
"Hey are you guys going to the movies tonight?"
"What are you guys up to?"
"Hey You Guys!"

Its weird! I don't get it! And I admit, I've even fallen in to that trend for a long time till I went to Houston, Texas selling security (which I have yet to blog about). I was saying "you guys" a lot down in ol H-Town and people would call me on it all the time. Slowly I started to fall out of that. Not because I'm a conformist in any sense, but because of two wonderfully beautiful words that have been merged together... "Y'all!"

This simple word has changed my life y'all! Fo surius! Even though I use to say it lots when I lived in Tennessee when I was younger, it has reminded me that my heart misses the south and reminds me of simpler times. I'm not blogging bout this to explain myself to the state of Utah at all. I'm more advertising the way I talk so it can sell here in Utah. And if no one buys it than it'd be they loss! Who needs grammar when y'all understand what it is I'm sayin?! Come on Utah, live a lil y'all! Embrace your inner redneck!

Y'all Come Back Na Ya Here!

Moving On

I shouldn't be feeling this way. I always knew that this is how it'd have to be and yet, still I feel this way. Is it because deep down I've always had a small shred of hope? Some sort of little idea of how things will or should be? Is it because of how I've surrounded my self with this dream that it's become hard to wake up from? All I know is I've been living in a world where I didn't feel the need to think things through because I was happy. Because I was protected by my own hopes and dreams. But I can't keep going on like this, hoping and dreaming. It's time to move on and open my eyes.
Moving on to the fact that maybe I could find happiness again some where. Not in the same place but on newer ground. Maybe things could have been different, but cruel as it may sound I feel like this is a lesson from mistakes passed. If the past were a bit different maybe I wouldn't be feeling this way. Maybe I could be happy and living the life I should and have always wanted.
But I fear there is much for me to learn and happiness doesn't wait for the poor and selfish. It bides it's time to make it's way to us all until we are ready for it's arrival. It may peek around the corner at us to see where we stand but doesn't proceed to knock on our door just yet. It's up to us to set the table and warm the fire for it's visit after we enrich our poverty with knowledge and battle our selfishness with humility.
Are we ready? Am I? I wanted to be. Or maybe I only hoped so. But even though there is pain, what I feel I need to do now is set my mind right for happiness' next visit. So when the time comes, I'll be waiting for it with a smile on my face and open arms.

Can't Sleep... The Church Is Too True!

Here I am. Wide awake at 12:40 in the morning. Sitting upright in my white dress shirt and tie, complete with blue suit and suspenders on my couch not wanting to go to bed. Why do you ask?... Because I don't want to stop feeling this way! My heart is racing, my stomach is bouncing, ears ringing, and bosom burning! I am bursting with emense joy from the top of my head all the way down to my Argyle dress socks. I can't sleep... because the church is too true!
Today was the 181st Semi Annual Priesthood Session for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The church that I proudly belong to and love so much. General Conference is the best ever! I like to think of it as the Mormon Super Bowl! There's the first session, the second session and the priesthood session which is like the half time show because it's the best part! Sorry ladies. If the church ever creates a Fantasy Conference League then I call President Monson as quarterback for my team! Jeffery R. Holland too. He'll play running back.
My Dad and I went to Salt Lake in the conference center for the session! It was so great! I love my Dad! That was probably my favorite moment I've ever had with my father. He was just so funny and I don't know... there! He always been a wonderful example and he's always cracked me up, but tonight he I got him all to myself! We talked, we laughed, we felt the spirit. He really is a great guy!
I'd like to share my notes I took on the session just in case you missed it.




181st General Priesthood Session
LDS Conference Center
Salt Lake City, Utah



Choir Conductor Brother Bill
SHHS Choir Director

Hymn - "Rise Up Oh Men Of God"

Hymn - "I Need Thee Every Hour"


1) Jeffery R. Holland

Satan is real
Eternally opposed against Christ

We are at war and I am a one man recruiter and get in your face a little like your sports coach. Singe your eyebrows.

Be on the team and stay on the team. Stop dribbling outta bounds.

Who ever you are and what ever you've done you can be forgiven.

More Missionaries! Enlist Now!

Personal Rev.: 2 Nephi "Rise from the dust"

"Haste to the battle. Quick to the field."

BOLD!!!



2) Keith B. McMullin

"Elder Holland, sign me up!"

Magnify your priesthood callings.

Strengthen your priesthood

Alma: "Repent and be born again"

Enjoy your youth but put away childish things.

Personal Rev.: "The natural man is an enemy of God"

"God hath not give the gift of fear but of power"



3) W. Christopher Waddlle

God knows what we need and where to go to be the best that we can be.

The Lord knows where a missionary should go.

"look the part, act the part."

Testimony of the Book of Mormon
Worthy of the Holy Ghost
Ready to work

Personal Rev.: I can feel the spirit telling me that the Lord has great works planned for me.

Hymn -"Rejoice, the Lord is King"



4) Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Self reliant and serving thy fellow man.

Love thy God and love thy neighbor.

"Do not think that this is some one else's responsibility. It is yours and it is mine. We are all enlisted."

"There's not one size fits all" for personal revelation and answers.

Personal Rev.: There are people I can reach out to who are poor spiritually and/or socially.



5) Henry B. Eyring

Am I prepared in the priesthood...

Work with all your heart, might, mind and strength.

The Lord will offer us opportunities but it depends on us if we are prepared for them.

The Lord is preparing us in every day life through every one we meet and everything we do.

Personal Rev.: The scriptures are a modern day leihona that can prepare and show the way.

Don't think about what you are or what you aren't, but what you can become through the Lord.

Oath and covenant

"Why are you sleeping?" - President Gordon B. Hinkley

God will magnify your strength and wisdom if you do all you can.



6) President Thomas S. Monson

We are brothers in the priesthood.

Moral dilemmas are not just individual and personal taste.

Personal Rev.: R rated movies...

Just because your morals maybe different than others doesn't mean you should be ashamed.

"The Navy wasn't trying to train me, they were trying to kill me!"
"I'm glad to be alive today."

Dare to be a Mormon.

"Where ever we go our priesthood goes with us. Are you standing on holy ground?"

There is a way back and the process is repentance.

Ye can not serve two masters.

Prepare your self now.

"Lady all I know about the Mormons is that they meet in that red brick building. Does any one on this bus know anything about the Mormons?"

If we may stand alone then let it be so that you may stand in the presents of the Lord.

Hold up the light for all the world to see.

Personal Rev.: I need to be the person that I know I can be and more importantly who I should be.



Hymn - "Come Ye Children of the Lord"



Personal thoughts of the session:

It seems the whole theme of the session was to remember who we are as members of the church so that we may bring others unto Christ. Almost like Mormon 101. Even in the first session of conference and with the technology we have today. It feels the Lord is wanting to expand more than ever in these latter days.

The High Five Is Back!

Look Out America! The High Five Is Comin Back!
Are you sick of the ol low five that casually turns into a fist bump like I am? Then today and all the rest here after are your luckiest days ever because low five fist bumps are over my friend!
They had a good run I'll give em that. Low Five and Fist Bump worked well together and formed a great team. But their reign is over! I remember when I first set eyes on the dynamic duo.
I was in the 7th grade and I was walking to class in the hallway of Spanish Fork Middle School and I saw this cool guy that I might have looked up to, walking up to what I considered back in middle school a "cool preppy butch dude" and they did the strangest thing. It looked like your regular high five, and yet, it was oddly different. Their hands were at waist level joining forces with a slap, then sliding back and, to my amazement, bringing it back to meet their clenched fists to one another! It was beautiful!
It caught on like wildfire! Before you knew it every one were clients of "Low Five & Fist Bump" and with something new and exciting I jumped on board to set sail with all my crew mates into the distance... But the sun never set on that journey because the legendary high five is coming back! And with a vengeance!
How did we ever phase out the awesomeness when two hands reach to the sky, jolt toward one another through the air and slap together with the sweet stinging force which God intended after something witty or cool was said between friends?! It's sheer ludicrous madness I say! So I am here to say that I am on a mission. A mission to single handedly bring back the high five! It's what the inventors of the "Hi-5" would want, and I'm gonna set it right! The stories say that it probably was two frat dudes at Notre Dame University in the 80's that slapped hands together after a super sweet keg flip... But that's just what they want you to believe...
Legend has it that God covertly sent one of his top gun angels down to the mortal world to place upon them a gift so sweet. Once the disguised heavenly being touched down on earth he wandered the surface till he found the one worthy to have this gift.
Years he searched, till one day he was at a football game, Eagles vs Giants, and he saw a man. His name is too sacred to be known in this lifetime, but the angel gazed upon his face and said "He is the one." Taking a seat next to him, he chatted with him to gain a friendly bond.
The anticipation of the game rose like a storm. The crowd suddenly gasped. Then... "Touchdown!" The arena exploded and the man and the angel cheered together as equals. Then with one quick motion the angel raised his hand in the air and looked at the man, deep into his eyes and soul. With out thinking and a warm feeling inside of him the man did the same and not knowing why, slapped the angel's hand. The slap seemed to echo through out the stadium. They stared at one another knowing that history had been changed forever and that the future would be molded by this moment. The man looked down at the felid and around him to see if any one had seen, and then he turned to the angel. But he was gone... Disappeared. And that is the legend of how the High Five came to be.
The term in the awesome office has come to an end for Low Five and Fist Bump. Now the votes are in and the people want high fives. So lets give the people what they want America! Let's bring back the High Five!
My name is Ryan Provstgaard, and I approve of this message.