Moving On

I shouldn't be feeling this way. I always knew that this is how it'd have to be and yet, still I feel this way. Is it because deep down I've always had a small shred of hope? Some sort of little idea of how things will or should be? Is it because of how I've surrounded my self with this dream that it's become hard to wake up from? All I know is I've been living in a world where I didn't feel the need to think things through because I was happy. Because I was protected by my own hopes and dreams. But I can't keep going on like this, hoping and dreaming. It's time to move on and open my eyes.
Moving on to the fact that maybe I could find happiness again some where. Not in the same place but on newer ground. Maybe things could have been different, but cruel as it may sound I feel like this is a lesson from mistakes passed. If the past were a bit different maybe I wouldn't be feeling this way. Maybe I could be happy and living the life I should and have always wanted.
But I fear there is much for me to learn and happiness doesn't wait for the poor and selfish. It bides it's time to make it's way to us all until we are ready for it's arrival. It may peek around the corner at us to see where we stand but doesn't proceed to knock on our door just yet. It's up to us to set the table and warm the fire for it's visit after we enrich our poverty with knowledge and battle our selfishness with humility.
Are we ready? Am I? I wanted to be. Or maybe I only hoped so. But even though there is pain, what I feel I need to do now is set my mind right for happiness' next visit. So when the time comes, I'll be waiting for it with a smile on my face and open arms.